My mother has been a practicing artist for fifty years. She makes mezzotints, which are something of a lost art. Her curriculum vitae is impressive and her work has been presented in some of the most famous museums in the world.
But my mother lacks salesmanship: the ability to promote herself, share her story, and get people to buy her work.
She is a reluctant salesperson – and she isn’t alone. Most of us have some fear of self-promotion.
We fear rejection, or what people will say about us when we promote our work. We don’t want to be seen as selfish or self-serving.
Part of this is cultural. We’re taught to value generosity and service. Most of us are not raised with an emphasis on self-advocacy. We associate selling with the threat to belonging within our community, to being authentically known, even to being loved.
The cultural taboo
There are only a few cultural taboos – of which sex, death, and money are the most significant. Our boundaries around taboo topics have shifted and the Overton window continues to expand. Once-private, shame-filled topics are now more openly discussed, but sales still carries a charge.
The taboo of sales exists for good reason. From LinkedIn cold pitches to multi-level marketing schemes, there are lots of examples of sales gone wrong. Given the choice, most of us would rather discuss death over dinner than ask someone to buy our work.
The paradox
The irony is that the taboo of sales blinds us to how deeply human persuasion really is. Even though we stigmatize selling, everyone does it daily.
Daniel Pink argues in To Sell Is Human that most people aren’t in direct sales. Instead, Pink describes “non-sales selling” as any activity that requires persuasion and influence. When you convince your team to try a new process, or ask your partner where to go for dinner, you’re selling.
We pretend selling is something only other people do – even while we are all constantly selling.
The cost of a taboo
When we avoid selling, we also avoid clarity. We don’t acknowledge what we want and don’t ask for it.
Meanwhile, a small subset of people do the opposite. These are the salespeople who ask – obnoxiously, incessantly, and without apology.
When we avoid sales, we avoid the clean embodiment of an inherently human behavior.
Redefining the act
The solution isn’t to sell harder but to redefine what selling means. Done well, selling isn’t about convincing. It’s about being clear what’s true for you and inviting others to see that, too.
As my mother begins to tell her story — to share why she fell in love with mezzotints and what they reveal about the world — people won’t just buy her art. They’ll buy into her love for it, as well.
Sales isn’t something we avoid by pretending it doesn’t exist. When we refuse to speak up, we’re just leaving room for someone else to fill the silence – someone louder, less careful, and perhaps even less honest.
Homework
The sales taboo dissolves the moment we treat sales as service. Sales is a way of being honest about what we want to give and what we need in return.
Make one offer this week. Not a pitch. Not a plea. Just one clean, explicit offer for something you believe in. Say what it is. Name your price. And then stop talking.