Years ago, in the depths of COVID, I was cavorting with my dog on the kitchen floor. My dog Riley had a bone in her mouth, I had a spatula covered in chocolate in my mouth, and we took turns chasing each other around the kitchen.
My then-partner, in between bouts of laughter, managed to say: “Robin, nobody else has any idea how playful you are.”
In the years since, I’ve been better about showing those parts of myself in my writing, on stage, and even in professional relationships. But back in 2020, I didn’t know how to begin.
That gap between who we are privately and how we show up publicly came up again last week in Marie Szuts’s conversation with Addisu Demissie on stage at Responsive Conference.
Addisu – a democratic political strategist who has led campaign efforts for Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Cory Booker, Joe Biden, and Gavin Newsom – described the value of authenticity.
He said, “Authenticity is overrated. What people want is alignment. They want to know that the person in front of the camera is the same person when the cameras are turned off.”
Gavin Newsom, whose podcast This is Gavin Newsom I’ve just started listening to, is a bit slimy. He looks, sounds, and talks like a politician. But what Californians like about him in general is that we get the sense that we know what kind of politician he is. He’s a bit too political, but he’s our kind of political – we know where he stands.
When Newsom got in trouble for eating out at the French Laundry in 2020, it was because he was urging shelter-in-place orders across the state – while he, himself, did the opposite. His performance was out of alignment with his actions.
Addisu argued that this is what Trump supporters like about the President. They believe that he prevaricates, or lies, or looks out for his own interests. But they also believe that they know that he does so. That they can predict him and that he will adhere to his nature.
This isn’t just about politicians — it’s about predictability versus misalignment. And it applies in sales, leadership, and relationships, too. People want alignment between who they say they are, and who we know them to be. That creates predictability, reliability. A belief that we know who we are dealing with.
Homework
Spot the gap
Write down three situations this week where what you said didn’t quite match what you thought or felt. What was the misalignment?
Pick one example and rewrite what you wish you’d said.
Stage vs. off-stage
Compare how you show up in a meeting, on a sales call, or on stage with how you are with your best friends.
List three concrete differences.
Experiment with bringing one of those personal behaviors into a professional context.
Politician practice
Watch a political speech (Newsom, Trump, anyone).
Ask yourself: is the person aligned with what you believe they do off camera? What makes me think so?